How to Listen Even When It Hurts

‘It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
Why not share?
And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy, he's my brother’

~ sung by The Hollies ~

‘I’m a good listener. At least, that’s what my pride told me. I believed it for a long time. Even when it was clearly no longer true.’*

And so began my confession. The result of painfully peeling away the layers that hid the dirty truth. Selfishness, laziness, and a whole slew of preconceived opinions often stood in the way of me really hearing what my ‘brother’ was saying to me. Sometimes, I blamed him. He’s too loud, I’d say, or he’s using judgmental words. When he calms down, we can talk then. Other times, I’d be quick to pull an answer from my self-justification bag even before he had a chance to fully explain his position. And to be honest, many times the thought of walking in his shoes seldom crossed my mind. By stacking up obstacles and failing to listen well, I was in danger of becoming deaf to the needs of my ‘brother’.

I think built into each one of us is the longing to be heard, to be understood. It walks hand in hand with the need to be loved. When I fail to listen to my 'brother', I fail to love him well.

But the festering sore at the root was my failure to listen to God. Here’s an excerpt from my confession.

‘The disease spread to my walk with God. I would read His word and quickly forget the truths found within. You could tell it in the way I lived: not convinced. Not fully accepting who He says He is, what His intentions are, who He says I am, and how He longs for me to respond. Instead of being quick to listen, I was often painfully slow. Even worse, I loitered around instead of acting on His Word.’ *

Turns out I’m just a poor listener. But then it dawned on me, what if God listens the way I do?

What if God becomes too distracted with all the thoughts in His mind or too busy with the affairs of the world to hear me crying out to Him?

What if I am dying for Him to hear me, but He is unwilling to sacrifice the time, attention, and love that listening requires?

What if He fails to respond in love to the lament of my heart?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that if God listened the way I do, I would be without hope. It’s unbearable even to think of it.

But thankfully, God, in His mercy, assures us that He does listen. He hears, cares, and acts out of love.

‘Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.~ Psalm 116:2 ~ (ESV)

‘The LORD is near to all who call Him, to all who call on Him in truth.' ~ Psalm 145:18 ~

‘Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.’ ~ Jeremiah 29:12 ~ (ESV)

As I meditate on just how amazingly incredible it is that the Creator of the Universe is near to me and listens to me, it challenges me to ask myself how well I’m listening to my 'brother'.

Are you willing to join me?

Are you willing to do the soul-searching, messy work of exposing the obstacles that plug our hearts and ears? To be brutally honest if, hidden within the pile, we unearth a lack of empathy, a prideful hunger to be heard, and a refusal to listen past the noise?

It will be hard work, active and ongoing, often uncomfortable. But I pray that together we’ll be brave enough to clear away the debris and let the light in. My hope is that as we do, we will reflect the listening heart of God, truly listen to our brother, learn what matters to him, and love him with our actions.

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What About You?

How do you feel when someone takes the time to listen to you?

What about when they don't?

Are you a good listener? If not, what is it that stops you from listening well?

And what sacrifices will you make today to improve your listening?

God turns his ear to hear our prayers; how does that encourage you to be a better listener?

And finally, how does listening spur you to action?

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*Excerpts are taken from Devotion #25 ‘What if God Listens the Way I Do?’ found in my 30-day devotional book—Live Amazed-Embracing the Gifts of God in Longing, Loss, and Life. If you’re interested in learning more about Live Amazed and reading a sample chapter, please click HERE.

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@laurensparks.net

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Blog post Photo by Hian Oliveira on Unsplash

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How to Listen Even When It Hurts