How I Get Back Up When My Mirror Tears Me Down

Have you ever walked past a store window, caught a glimpse of your reflection and gasped? In silent confusion you wonder, ‘What? When did that happen?’

Ever had one of those moments? When you realize that you don’t look the way you imagined you did.

Well, it happened to me recently, and I’m still recovering from the shock.

No, it’s not what you think. It wasn’t a physical mirror depicting an older, less fit me that startled me. Instead, it was the mirror of my peers.

Someone… not just anyone… but someone close to me used the word ‘irritable’ to describe me. It was a quick, off-the-cuff remark, but I felt it like a punch to the gut. I took it like a big girl, but the ache lingered long.

‘Irritable?’ How come I didn’t see that when I looked in the mirror?

Yea, I know that sometimes I’m a bit grouchy after nine at night, especially when sleep is pulling me under. Everyone close to me knows that – it’s just how I am. My family accepts that, I think.

Or, sometimes I can be a little impatient with negative or judgmental people. I mean, their infectious negativity floods my spirit and drains me.

Do you hear it? The way I try to justify my ‘irritability’? The way that my pride has sneaked in and convinced me that this ‘little’ sin is justifiable and acceptable.

What about you? 

Do you also sometimes feel justified in what you do because of circumstances that happen to you, things others have done to you or even the ‘bad’ genes you’ve inherited? 

Like me, can you too easily explain away the sin in your life? 

It seems my battle with pride never goes away. Just when I think I have it mastered, it raises its ugly head. Here it was masquerading as my mirror, acting like a veil blocking the real mirror of my soul - the word of God.

As a Christian, my desire is to reflect the love of God… to let His light shine through me in this dark world. And God instructs me in His word to not merely hear the word but to do it. As a servant of Christ, that is my joy-filled obligation.

Yet, here I was being told that I really wasn’t doing such a great job... that my desire and my actions didn’t match up well. I long to reflect Christ, but what others are really seeing is the me that stands in the way.

It seems like the ‘me’ in me often takes over and blocks Christ out of the way. And even worse, the ‘me’ feels completely justified in doing so. It’s ‘just the way I am’ I lie to myself.

It’s the age-old battle of the flesh vs the spirit.

I hang my head in shame. Once again, I’ve let God down.  

With my bruised pride, I wonder how to approach Him yet again with the same old failure.

I’m tired of this cycle, and I know now that I’m not strong enough to break it. So, God is teaching me how to love when He bruises my pride.

To be honest, I don’t love it at first, it’s humiliating, embarrassing and downright painful.

I feel like a failure… like I’m really bad at… well, in this case, I’m really bad at being really good for God.

Wait, hang on one minute, is that what it means to be a Christian? That I must be really good in order to please God.

It is then I breathe a sigh of relief. I exhale the lies before they consume me and inhale the grace of God.

And once again, He patiently guides me on a journey from bruised pride to the sweet harvest of a closer walk with Him.

It’s not always an easy journey, okay, it’s never an easy journey, but it is so worth it. Over time, be it minutes or months, God gently leads me from bruised pride to humility, through complete confession and genuine repentance, to a fuller dependence on Him in my daily walk.

It starts with remembering that it’s all about God, not me.

Not my ability, but God’s. Not my light, but His.

It’s all about Him and His grace.

 ‘Do you think the scriptures say without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? But he gives us more grace. That is why scripture says, God opposes the proud, but shows favor to the humble. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.’ James 4:5-6,10

Once I accept my weakness, I open myself up to accept more grace. 

Did you get that? ‘He gives us more grace’, but sometimes we refuse to receive it. Sometimes, in our pride, we attempt to live a victor’s life by relying on our own ability rather than His grace, and then we beat ourselves up when we can’t keep up. But I can’t do it; I need help. So, I adjust my posture, bow low before Him, admit my sin, and humbly ask for and receive His help.

Then I arm myself with the only weapon of offence proven to be successful in this battle – the sword of the spirit – the word of God.

When I’m tempted to follow my own selfish desires… to be irritable or easily offended… to justify my grumbling or complaining… to give in to the prideful ‘me’ that tries to enslave me...

Or when, I’m cowering in the shadows, feeling ashamed that I’ve failed yet again…

For whichever temptation or lie of the enemy I’m facing, I can fight back with the truth of God’s word.

And that, my friends, is how I get back up when my mirror tears me down. That is the sword I’m choosing to fight with.

Yep, on my own, I fail to reflect Christ. But God has promised that he will complete the good work that He has started in me (Philippians 1:6), and I’m taking Him at His word.

I may not be there yet, but there is hope. God reminds me that I’m saved by grace. Empowered to do His will. I can get back up, receive the grace God continually gives me and share it willingly as I reflect Him to a world of people just like me… people in desperate need of His saving grace.

What about you? 

Which sins keep pulling you back down? 

How are you choosing to battle them?

Take heart, my friend, 

you can get back up 

and fight.

Share:facebook - twitter - pinterest

How I Get Back Up When My Mirror Tears Me Down